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I’m not sure what happened there…

Oh, wait, yes I do. My friend Dana invited me to see The Ring with her Thursday night, so her fiancé Chris and Tim stayed home with Auggie while we hit the theater for my first honest-to-goodness-sitting-in-the-theater movie in a while.

I had read a few reviews of the movie that said it was one of the creepiest films in a long time, so maybe my expectations were too high. I didn’t think it was all that scary. There were only a couple of times where I kinda jumped.

Creepy? Yes. As creepy as The Sixth Sense? No way. As scary as The Blair Witch Project? Nuh-uh.

Dana and I both walked out going, ‘Eh. I thought it was going to be a lot scarier.’ I was feeling pretty smug, actually, since scary movies have a tendency to stick with me and creep me out when no one’s looking.

So you know what happened, right?

I got totally creeped out once I was in bed with the lights out. I barely slept at all that night, just sure that the soggy-girl was going to get me. Actually, I’m not really even sure what I was afraid of, looking back.

Long story longer: I was very tired on Friday, so I didn’t blog. I apologize.

In case you are wondering, Jake is doing as good as ever. His scabs are off, the hair they shaved around the bite is growing back in and he is no longer Mr. Complainy-Pants when you pick him up. Well, at least not any more than he ever was.

Oh, man! It is totally sleeting outside! Just when I’m convinced that the polar ice caps are melting from some dramatic climate change or global warming or what have you, Mother Nature goes and throws us sleet before Thanksgiving! Bizarre… We’re going to pay for last year’s mild winter, methinks.

Thanks so much for all of the great birthday greetings, everybody!

Tim and I got to go out for a wonderful dinner with our friends Chris and Dana, thanks to the mad baby sitting skilz of our other friends Tim and Brooke (and 2 year-old Beck). Thanks, guys!

Anyway, we went to Pho Grand, which is a really good Vietnamese restaurant that is mind-bogglingly cheap. Bad wine. Good food. Excellent soup.

But I have to tell you about where we went after the restaurant. It’s this place in Lafayette Square called The Chocolate Bar. Now, I may just be out of touch with the “tragically hip” (as Tim calls them), but The Chocolate Bar instantly brought to mind a swanky watering hole that serves chocolate martinis and the like. Amazingly enough, it was a dessert and coffee place. The Chocolate Bar! Oh, I get it!

Then, like a total squib, I ordered a slice of apple crisp cheesecake. I know! What was I thinking?? At any other location, sure, but The Chocolate Bar? Luckily, Tim had hold of his senses and called for a slice of the “Ultimate Chocolate Torte.”

My only excuse is that I was temporarily insane.

As soon as you walk in the door, you are instantly enveloped by the smell of chocolate. Plus, it’s all warm and cozy inside, kind of like Grandma’s house when she’s cooking up chocolate fudge for the holidays (although my Grandma has never done this to my knowledge — stick with me here). My mind was boggled.

Not that the cheesecake was bad, or anything. It’s just that the torte was so good. It almost had the equivalent of a bar of chocolate on the top that I had to break through. When I took a bite, a veritable tidal wave of chocolate washed over me, soaking into every pore of my being.

It was transcendent.

It was one of those things that you wish you didn’t know existed –like hour-long massages, white russians, cashmere bathrobes and lop-eared bunny rabbits. Things that you know that you will never be able to enjoy as often as you would like because it’s too expensive/time-consuming/fattening/addictive/etc.

I felt like I was being really rude, because I could not pay attention to the conversation while I was eating this torte. But you know what? I didn’t care, because it was my birthday.

So there.

Man, it has been too long since I have had chocolate, huh?

Who else really wants to see an Alias/24 crossover, just to witness Sydney putting the smackdown on evil Nina? And then Syd and Kim could become, like, best friends and Syd could help her get her life together and get a good job mucking things up at the CIA.

Sounds good, yes?

Who would I write to with such a proposal? My U.S. Senator or something? Nancy Pelosi?

So it’s another tick-over on the ole odometer of life… Hello, 28.

I was telling Tim this morning that it’s only a matter of time before Auggie looks at me sadly and asks, ‘Are you going to die soon?’

Apparently, this is how I helped my mother through her 30th birthday. She also got a speeding ticket in the park — where I insisted we go to celebrate her special day. What a jerk that cop was. What a jerk child I was.

Now for my favorite part of my birthday, the reading of the “If November 20 is your birthday” part of the horoscope: “You are emotional, loyal and can be romantic to the degree of being passionate (oh, my!). You know plenty about food and its preparation (..?); you most certainly could succeed in the catering business. During December, your intuitive intellect will be honed to razor-sharpness. Follow hunches in money and love.” Ohhhh-kay. Thanks, Sydney Omarr.

My wonderful husband even made pancakes for me this morning, although my wonderful son decided that he wanted to come into our bed at 5:45. He fell asleep, draped across my stomach and I was so tired I didn’t even care.

Another inexplicable part of the birthday horoscope is the list of celebrities that share your birthday (just in case you didn’t feel bad enough, let’s point out all the people who are way richer than you and also born on the same day). Today, Alistair Cooke is 94, Richard Dawson is 70, Dick Smothers is 63, Veronica Hamel is 59, Joe Walsh is 55, Bo Derek is 46 and Ming-Na is 35.

At least I’m still younger than them.

And I’ve seen Bo Derek in person. No way that she is 46, my friends.

I’m just sayin’ is all…

I’ve officially lost 15 pounds now, which is a nice birthday present to myself. Even after the apple pie my mom made this past weekend.

Had a great visit with the Parents As Teachers lady today. Auggie passed his first test!

Alas, it is late again, and tomorrow is my birthday. I’m going to bed, my friends, as an early birthday present to myself.

Good night.

Ay, yi, yi! Last night was one of the worst nights we’ve had with Auggie in a long, long time. He woke up, like, every two hours, with a few sessions of every twenty minutes. Plus, there was the obligatory middle of the night scrounging session for the baby teething stuff, which always ends up in some random location. Somehow, Tim always seems to find it, God love him.

In other random news:

Auggie has his first pet! Well, other than his four dogs… He is the proud owner of “Fishie” the red betta fish. Tim and I diligently set up his 2.5 gallon aquarium (complete with filter and lighted hood — nice!), read up on the best way to condition the water, planted real plants in the water and researched how to introduce the new fish to his/her new digs.

And we didn’t even have the dang fish yet.

Who knew there was so much to having a pet fish?

I’m already a little concerned about Fishie. He seemed to be swimming a little sideways earlier when I went in to check on him — I mean, Auggie.

I’ll keep you posted. Oh, and pictures soon!

Update on Tim (because I know how much you love him): He’s OK! He’s a little sore, but it’s nothing the ibuprofen (fortified with codeine) can’t handle. He’s only a little swollen too, but still eating the soft foods. He’s even getting sick of sweet stuff. Bizarre.

Anyway, Auggie and I got out of his hair today and went down to my mom’s, where she was cooking a delicious feast in celebration of my birthday (and the other, like, five birthdays in her family this month). Chicken and dumplings, mashed potatoes, homemade cornmeal rolls, caramel apple pie, ohhhhhhh yeah… It was so good.

Thanks, Mom.

Anyway, just watching a little Saturday Night Live tonight, where Brittany Murphy is just all wrong. She looks like a lemur in clown makeup! I just keep wishing that Godzilla would crash onto the set and devour her whole…

I wonder if I would spend less money if I posted everything I bought on this blog each day. Wait. That didn’t come out right. You know what I mean, right?

It’s not like I spent that much money today. Just $13 at Petsmart, $69 at Whole Foods, $8 at Aveda, $5 at the Bread Co., $20 at the coffee house and then $35 at Petsmart again (don’t ask). Shoot. That is a lot! Like, $115 a lot! Oh, and I got gas too! I just suck!

Who knew I was spending so much money, willy-nilly? I guess I just focus on all the money that I didn’t spend, like $50 on an aquarium for Auggie (sans fish), $25 on a book that I thought my brother would like, $40 on neato holiday towels at Restoration Hardware, $29 on these cool wooden blocks in a wagon and $49 on a fabulous wooden desk at Pottery Barn Kids… The list goes on and on.

I should just stay away from the mall. And stores of any kind. Good thing I don’t go to garage sales.

This all just proves my theory that I spend an average of $150 every day, no matter what I do. It’s sick and I feel all kinds of Catholic guilt about it. So there.

I had a another sick thought today that I thought I would share. As I was driving to one of our many consumer destinations today, I actually thought, ‘Oh, I wish I could phone in a blog entry on my cell right now.’ Isn’t that wrong? I need a life.

On a more positive note, I did something today that I haven’t done in a very, very long time. I read a magazine — uninterrupted — for over an hour. You see, Auggie fell asleep on the way to Whole Foods and I actually remembered to bring along something to read for once, so I just sat there in the parking lot while he slept. It was freakin’ wonderful. Eventually, I had to wake him up so I could use the ladies room (ahem — too much water), but he’d had a good, long nap by then. Maybe he should nap in his car seat every day…

Tim is having his wisdom teeth removed tomorrow, so send some non-puffy-cheek thoughts his way, will ya? We’re paying extra so he can partake of the nitrous oxide, since our stingy dental plan only covers a local anesthetic. Whee… Me too?

I know it sounds dumb, but I get all panicky and emotional when I have to be the one in control. It reminds me of the time when my dad had a melanoma removed during my first Christmas break at college. I had to go back to the doctor’s office after the surgery to get the post-op instructions, and I was like, ‘Whoa, I’m the kid here. I think you need to talk to his mommy.’

I’m hoping that it won’t be that big of a deal, but I just keep remembering my own ordeal with getting my wisdom teeth removed when I was 15. They were all impacted, so I had to be completely put under (which was a nightmare in itself since the dumb nurse couldn’t find the vein in my arm). Plus, I was a complete 15-year-old wimp and had the pain tolerance of, of… What’s something with a really low tolerance for pain..? Never mind. Let’s just say that I cried when I saw that there were only 2 Vicodins left.

Tim should have a much easier time of it, since his wisdom teeth are all out there for the world to see. I would think that his jaw would be pretty sore, though, because they’re probably going to have to open his mouth really wide to get at them.

I don’t know. I’m the kid here. I think you need to talk to his mommy.

Fifteen-month checkup went off without a hitch. Here are the stats:

Height: 31.5 inches

Weight: 24 lbs, 4 oz.

Head circumference: 48.5 cm

Number of mean old shots in his sweet chubby thighs: 2

Extra ounces added to weight by wet cloth diaper: at least 4

Number of random questions asked by pediatrician: 2 or 3

I really like our pediatrician, don’t get me wrong. But when you think of the typical pediatrician — wacky tie and “Hey! Hey!” attitude — that is the opposite of our doctor. Petite, rather solemn, cold hands. Yep, that’s her.

But I think she took some kind of bedside manner workshop or something, because she was all trying to make small-talk and stuff. This is very unusual for her, trust me. Questions like, ‘Does Auggie have any grandparents in town?’ and ‘So, are you getting a Christmas tree?’ don’t seem to have any deeper health implications to me, so I’m completely stumped.

Random.

So we had a good time again today. It seemed like we were running from 8 a.m. on. Once we got home and he was down for the count, I thought I’d try to get a little of that nap-action myself. About that time, the dogs decided that they were ready to play, so it took about 10 minutes of face-licks to calm them down. Once they were settled, Coco snoring away, and me finally able to close my eyes, Auggie was up and ready to go again. Of course.

I was disappointed, because I was all comfortable, even laying on my stomach. Now, all of you ladies out there who are stomach-sleepers, I would highly recommend not having a child. Beyond the many months you have no option but to sleep on your side during pregnancy, the fun doesn’t stop once your tummy is (relatively-speaking) flat again.

You see, when you’re nursing, there is no way you want to have anything touching those bad boys, let alone resting the weight of your entire body on them. So finally, 25 months later, I’m willing and able to sleep on my stomach again.

And it just doesn’t feel right anymore.

Auggie added another word to his repertoire today. I don’t remember what he was doing, but he started shaking his head slowly and said, ‘No-no-no.” My God, but he’s adorable!

We had a really good day today, I think. It went by so quickly, it’s hard to remember exactly what we did. I remember a grassy, open area with lots of quacking… The park! Oh, yes, the park.

Unfortunately, it didn’t even cross my mind that there might be ducks at the park, so we were ill-prepared for duckage. That was OK, though, because, frankly, I just don’t think that Auggie is ready for duck-feeding. I mean, it took him five minutes of staring at the ducks from 40 paces before he even cracked a smile. He just looked like, ‘What. Is. That. Mom??’

There were two other little boys there pelting the defenseless mallards with stale bread anyway, so that was entertainment enough for Auggie. We eventually bypassed the ducks entirely and headed for the playground equipment.

This is where I began to wonder what pod-person had replaced my baby. He only went down the slide, like, 3 times. Normally, this baby wants nothing but to go down the slide, turn around, try to climb up the slide so he can go down immediately, falls down, tries again, tries yet again, then finally realizes that he probably will do better by walking back up the stairs, repeat ad nauseum.

We had fun, though. Walking back to the car, we passed the ducks again. This time, the boys were gone, so the ducks were eyeing us hungrily. I totally thought that Auggie was going to be able to walk right up to one and give it a pat. But it flew away, shocking the daylights out of Auggie. He looked at me like, ‘Well. I certainly didn’t expect that to happen.’